Today was mostly quiet. There wasn’t much going on, and I enjoyed it. I used it to recuperate from yesterday. Then, after school was over and I was back in my room, a friend stopped by. She wanted my help with a video she was making about CRPS, and I easily agreed. She also happens to be the friend from my last post who’s making a nonprofit – missionsonfire.org – and a strong Christian who I admire. We tried filming three times. The first time the cards couldn’t be read easily. The second, a call interrupted the filming process. The third time my roommate walked in and interrupted filming. Since my friend needed to be back in her room by 7:00, she had to give up for today and leave. I grabbed the papers she’d forgotten and slid them under her door down the hall. Then I came back and sat down, preparing to type. As I was sitting down, I heard crying across the hall. And the first line of thinking I went to was “What can I do to help?”.
See, I love helping people. Helping people is my favorite thing to do, and if I can do it anonymously or without a to-do that’s even better. I used to help in two different sections of my church’s children’s program before I came here and had to switch churches in the process because of distance. When my friend asked if I could help her with the nonprofit, I said yes without any hesitation. I have a habit of giving candy to my roommate when she’s upset – I have a lot and I don’t eat it often. I enjoy holding the door open for people and doing those little things that make someone’s day a little better. I wonder – is this my gift from God? Is this that part of me that He strengthened? And then I wonder something else – how do I do this? This is something I want to nurture, something I want to grow. But what I haven’t said yet is that I’m a very reserved person. My dad has worked with me a lot, but there are still times when I’d do crazy, irrational things to avoid human interaction. I feel awkward interacting with most people, and I constantly wonder if I didn’t just embarrass myself or make things awkward. Most of the time I don’t care – I don’t know that person well, and it’s okay. But what about the people I know half-way well? I don’t know if I’d call them my friend, but I care enough that I don’t really want to embarrass myself. I have a hard enough time making friends, I don’t really want people I regularly interact with to think I’m that odd type of odd. So how can I grow this heart for others that God has given me?
I don’t really want to ask that question. When I ask those questions and I really want to know, coincidences stop being coincidences. It’s like I can feel God looking at me and saying “I can help with that”, and it’s almost guaranteed to make me uncomfortable on some level. Oh, wait – I was just thinking the other day about how if being on fire is uncomfortable, how can we be on fire for God if we’re comfortable where we are? …Stink. I can’t get out of this, can I? Because the fact is, God works in me whether it’s pleasant or not and whether I want him to or not. Romans 8:28 says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Nothing new, right? But when was the last time you really read it? I don’t know about you, but I often skip over common verses. I get it already. I’ve heard it a thousand times. But now… I don’t think it’s just talking about how God can use bad stuff and make something good out of it. No, He works constantly and IN ALL THINGS for the good of us Christians – those who have been called according to HIS purpose. I’m not getting out of it, and neither are you, “for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” Philippians 2:13. I was just asking my dad about my aunts’ and uncles’ faith the other day. He told me he thought God was working in one of my uncle’s’ life even though my uncle was running away. You know what? That’s awesome. My uncle can’t get away from the God who created the universe, and in the meantime I’ll pray for my uncle, ’cause prayers never hurt. The other day I figured out that when it comes to asking people for prayer, I’m really not as shy as at other times. So, to end. I’m sure you’re tired of reading this by now. So…I’ll run after God and try to grow. No, not try to… I will, because God is working in me even now. I’ll pray. I’ll dive into the Word. I’ll do my homework (’cause that needs done) and pray for people I don’t even know about, and for people I do that it doesn’t sound like they need prayed for. I’ll pray for my growth, and your growth, and a revival in those people who need it. I’ll pray for strength for myself and for others. I will beseech the throne and when I need to, I will gather as many believers as I can to assault the throne of heaven with prayer because that’s part of caring for people. I will try my hardest to live out my faith in a way that lets Jesus shine through, even when I am quiet. And I’ll try to convince myself to let Him work in me even when I’m terrified! Haha…ha…ha…*gulp*. Now, what was I saying about homework?