Well. Today’s been okay. I replaced my ID. I’m getting sick and I’ve drunk way too much honey tea. I’m procrastinating on homework that’s due tomorrow in my 9:00 class. Today hasn’t been bad…but something’s been missing. And I know what it is.
When was the last time I really sat down with the Lord? When was the last time I really, really spoke to him and listened for a response? I think it was the Thursday before last. Yesterday I told my roommate that I couldn’t wait for Sunday. It wasn’t Sunday that I was waiting for. I was waiting for God, and for fellowship with other believers. The Thursday before last, I really spent time with God. It was a sort of personal revival for me – it was rest and a renewal of energy. It really kicked into gear when I was praying for a friend, and instead of doing major catch-up on homework that day I couldn’t stop praying and spending time in God’s word. I could not leave his presence. So why haven’t I spent time with God after that? If it meant so much to me, why haven’t I done that even once since then? I’m human. I’m fallible. But really, those are just excuses. In reality, I try to do things on my own too much. That day revitalized me, but then I started trying to do stuff on my own again. What will it take for me to learn to lean on God for everything?
I could go mainstream at this point. I could say I’m human, I’ll keep failing, and God will keep forgiving me as I try my hardest. I’ve never really liked mainstream. See, if I did that, it would never happen. That’s just an excuse; a reason not to worry or not to try. For some people, that’s great. They need the reminder about God’s forgiveness. And I’m not saying I don’t. I’ve pulled away from God because I felt unworthy too many times, and I’ll do it again. But if I say that, I’m giving myself a free pass. A free pass!? There’s no such thing in Christianity! If I am not striving every moment to become more like God, then I am deceiving and failing myself. I am allowing myself to slip backwards. Instead, I need to be concerned! I need to be asking and praying and reading! I need to be doing everything I can to lean on God and set stuff up for future me to lean on God – the me of tomorrow and the me when I’m 80. Nothing happened today. That’s a problem. If I’m really allowing God to work in me, if I’m really doing what I’m supposed to, then today should stand out. Every day should stand out, because I don’t believe there’s a day in the life of a person walking with God where God doesn’t do something amazing. Even if God is working in someone, he does SOMETHING. Those bland days? Connect with God and let him make them fabulous. I can’t believe I didn’t realize what was wrong sooner. I have critiques to read and a paper to write, but most of all I have a Bible and the King who wrote it waiting on me. Maybe I need to inject some energy into this day, yes? (P.S. The answer is YES)