Real Talk Part 1

Okay y’all. I’m just gonna jump  right in ’cause I need to get some stuff off my chest.

Also this is becoming a really long post so I’m going to split this into sections.

I met up with my Life Group today. That’s what my bible study small group is called. We talked about the book of Ruth, specifically chapter 2 verses 15-23, and at some point my Life Group leader asked us: How do we feel called to take the heart knowledge we’d been talking about and apply it – make it become hand knowledge, so to speak. I thought about it, but there have been so many things I’ve been struggling with! As I thought about all of these things, however, I boiled it down to one overall theme.

I need to surrender everything.

Let me explain, and I’m going to go through these things I’ve been struggling with one by one to do so.

First, I’ve been wrestling with my desire to have a boyfriend. I haven’t “dated” since 5th grade (if you could call that dating), I’ve never been asked on a date, and the last time I was asked out was in 8th grade – by the same guy who’d been asking me out since 6th and told me once when I turned him down that he had multiple girlfriends. So not the greatest track record! And recently, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this (and my imagination isn’t helping – I’ll get into that later). I’ve doubted my desirability (hello, self-pity) and worried about whether or I’ll ever get a boyfriend and, eventually, get married. Logically, I know that I’d be a horrible girlfriend right now (see this entire list of doubts, insecurities, and immaturities), but that hasn’t helped and sometimes makes it all worse. Can I share with you? There was a moment two years ago where I felt like God had showed me a feeling, if you will, of his plan for a guy in my life sometime in the future and how great it would be. Me, with my tendency to doubt myself and my logical thinking and etc. etc. now wonders if I wasn’t imagining it (did I mention I have a very strong imagination?). I don’t know. Here’s what I do know; this dream may (or may not) have come from God. But right now, it’s turned into something completely different. Right now, I don’t want a significant other because it’s in God’s plan. Right now, I want a significant other because the world tells me I should have one. Because I’ve just entered college and I know of several couples who are engaged, and a few of those are getting married this spring/summer. Because everywhere I turn I see couples on Facebook and on the street and literally everywhere. So, I’ve become stuck worrying if I’m “doomed” to spend my life without a significant other. You know what? Even if God did plan for me to never have a significant other, or for me to never get married, that would still be okay. In fact, it would be better than okay! It would be perfect, because God is perfect and his plans are perfect. And if that’s his will for me, then I should be rejoicing! Because his plans always turn out 100x better than I could ever imagine, and 1000x better than my plans would have turned out. So. I understand this, but how do I apply it? It boils down to this: I need to surrender this dream to God. I need to not only be able to say, but actually say “Lord, it’s okay if this doesn’t happen. I trust you. If singleness is what you have planned, then that plan is so perfect and so much better than whatever I could imagine, dream about, or wish for that I should be rejoicing and eager to be single because that’s your plan.” I need to completely, 100% surrender this desire that’s been taking my attention from the Lord and his Will and I need to turn it over and let it go.

 

Next. Just a bit of backstory: I’ve always been the shy awkward girl who’s left out. Much of that is my own fault for pushing people away. I’ve gotten better some, but I still struggle with it a lot. It’s super difficult for me to talk with my peers. My brain kicks into overdrive and begins to hyperanalyze EVERYTHING. What’s this person’s tone saying? What is their body language? What is their facial expression? What does this sentence structure imply? What is MY facial expression doing? What about my tone of voice and my body language? What about my sentence structure? What about my content? Am I being too loud? Am I talking too much? Am I interrupting? Are my pauses too short? Are they too long? Am I sharing too little or too much? What is their response to this? Pay attention to every word, every glance, every gesture. What’s it say? What’s it say? What’s it say? Then – no surprise – I have a hard time processing. I make mistakes, and even the small ones will nag at my overactive brain for far too long. Oh no! That pause was a hair too long! That’s so awkward! or Shoot! I froze for a split second! What was that look on my face? Crud, I missed my chance to laugh it off and make fun of it! Can I apologize? No, I’ve already apologized three times in the last five minutes! You get the idea. This used to define me. This was the majority of who I was. A couple of months ago, thankfully, that was removed from me. I can’t describe it well, but one second that was my identity and the next my identity was in the Lord (I know it had been before, but I had created another identity for myself over the years without realizing it. Or at least I had allowed myself to be defined by that). It was very peaceful and surprisingly matter-of-fact. However, that didn’t permanently destroy these thoughts. It quieted them for a couple blessed weeks, and now they’re back. That does NOT mean that they are my identity again – they’re not. They don’t dictate my every move like they used to. However, they are hard to control and they are often small feelings in my subconscious. It takes Truth for me to combat them, and for the past few days I have struggled with them far more than I should be. So guess what?? I need to surrender them to the Lord. Scripture says to bring our doubts and worries to the altar, and while that’s cliché that is exactly what I need to do. I need to fully surrender these to God, letting Him and his Truth come and take their place in my heart. And no, this isn’t a one-time occurrence. I’ll explain more about that later.

 

I’m going to stop here for today. I’m sure some of this sounded like whining, and I apologize for that. I’m probably going to split this whole thing into three portions, and the next two will NOT be coming out months from now, I promise. I’ll try to post them within the next week or two.

As I finish, I want to share a couple of the bible verses posted on note cards all over my half of the dorm room. Also, please remember: you guys aren’t alone. Whatever you’re going through. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, you have to choose to believe what you know – that God is with you and that He loves you dearly. He’s not yelling at you for your shortcomings. He’s not frowning at you. He’s walking beside you, ready to help. He’s arranging things for your good that you will never even realize was Him until you join him in heaven. He is cradling you, and his heart hurts for you more than you will ever know. His love isn’t the only thing unfathomable; his compassion is too.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, …looking to Jesus, …who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame,  and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12: 1-2

“For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.” Romans 1:20

 

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Abba

Hey, y’all. I’ll warn you ahead of time: I did NOT plan what I was going to say going into this. So let’s get started!

I wanted to talk to y’all about a familiar term associated with God. In case you couldn’t tell, this term is “abba”. And if you’ve had a similar experience to me, you’ve always (or almost always) heard it joined to another word: father. Abba-father. Sound familiar now? But, what does abba mean? Why is it always connected to father? Call me crazy, but I had never really thought much of it until recently. But then I was reading a book which defined the abba in abba-father for me, and I have to say I like I better as a stand-alone term than as connected to father.

Abba means Daddy

It means daddy. So when people say “Abba-father”, they’re really saying “Daddy-father”. But do people say it like they mean it? And this is why I like abba better on it’s own. When we call God Abba, we are calling him Daddy. Think about the connotations the term daddy carries for a moment. And you don’t even necessarily have to think about your earthly father (I understand that some people’s fathers don’t inspire warm fuzzy feelings; if that’s the case, DON’T think of your earthly father). I am lucky enough to have a God-fearing father that I CAN think about. I still call him daddy sometimes, and I’m in college and have been living away from home in dorms during the school year for two years before this (remember, I went to a residential high school). When I hear the term ‘daddy’, I think about a little kid, girl or boy, running to their daddy for comfort or shrieking in delight when he walks in the front door. I picture this picture-perfect image of unconditional pure love. Now, my dad does a great job at unconditional love, but he isn’t perfect. He messes up. So he can’t actually live up to this image in my head. But you know what the cool thing is? God can! God IS perfect, so he is the only one who can not only live up to this image in my head but SURPASS it! Isn’t that amazing?

Now, you may be saying that you still don’t understand why I prefer abba on its own. Let me present another image to you. Instead of just shrieking daddy, imagine if the child I pictured in the scene above shrieked daddy-father! If anybody else was there they’d probably get a lot of weird looks. Why? Because the two terms are necessarily different. Here’s how bing defined them: Abba – an intimate term for God as father. Father – A man in relation to his natural child or children. Do you see the difference? Father isn’t an intimate term at all. I don’t call my dad father unless I do so sarcastically. In fact, the most likely image to pop into my head is that of a sad lonely rich kid desperate for his dad’s attention but who has to be strict and formal with his father instead. God, of course, is not like that at all. And there is use in the term father too; we are God’s children and since we have been covered in the blood of Christ we can be considered natural children, heirs to the throne WITH Jesus. However, I think putting the two terms together dilutes the image of both terms. Recalling God as Abba makes me think of someone I can go to when I’m excited, or hurt, or scared or even just want comfort and peace. Recalling God as Father makes me think of someone ready to fight, a stalwart protector but not necessarily the person to go to to play wrestle or cuddle. Neither term is bad, and using both together isn’t bad. I prefer to use them separately because of the two different images. And quite frankly, right now I am wrestling far more with myself than with outside forces. Right now, I need my abba more than my protector.

However! I have gone on far too long about my preference in terms. What I really wanted to focus on today (even though I have done a poor job of it) is the character revealed of God that we get to call him daddy. Calling God daddy reveals his unconditional love. It reveals his desire to protect (if you’ve ever seen a dad leap into action to protect his child you’ll understand my meaning behind that). It also reveals his closeness, which is something I struggle with. I find it difficult to feel as though God is right there with me in the warm, caring roles the bible says he is. Envisioning God as daddy, though, helps me see him as the caring daddy/dad/father he is. And understanding just how close he is, and just how much he loves you, is so very, very important in fighting lies and temptations.

I’ll leave off here. But please – think about God in his role as daddy. Think about what that means, and what that reveals about his character. Think about what that means in how he thinks of you!

Kings and Queens 2

Okey dokey. Obviously, this is the promise continuation of my previous post. Quick review that’ll help with understanding my post today: “The Queen was in charge of the castle. She supported him and offered him wisdom and counsel when he needed it. If the King was away at war, SHE was the one who protected the castle. She was supposed to be just but strict. She raised their children (with help from the maids sometimes). And, perhaps most importantly, she submitted to her husband.”

Let’s translate that into today’s terms. A Queen is in charge of doing her part to keep the home looking good and functioning well. Does this mean a guy isn’t supposed to, say, do the dishes? Fold laundry? Cook? Not at all! But it also means that some days, when he is too tired or too busy, it is the job of the wife to do all of it. Yes, all of it. Sometimes, taking care of the house means doing the taxes or doing manual work. It means you work to keep it running smoothly and your husband will help because he loves you. And even if he doesn’t, ladies you are still responsible for YOUR actions, not his. Support and wisdom. Yep, that falls on the ladies too. Sometimes, your husband will not know what to do. Yeah, he’s supposed to lead the house, but he’s human too. There’ll be times when he feels absolutely overwhelmed. These are the times when the ladies – the Queens –are to speak wisdom into their husbands (or boyfriends – the responsibilities don’t begin when your married) lives. They are to be walking close to God themselves, so that when this happens they can speak God’s wisdom into their lives. Sometimes, this can be as simple as saying “There isn’t anything you can do. Remember that great and powerful God we serve? Yep, gotta leave it up to him.” (Sorry, those of you who like to problem-solve. Good luck). Sometimes it might just mean reminding him that you (or God) love(s) him. Sometimes, this is where you have to be walking close with God so that you can say what God is trying to tell him. Or maybe, if God is being silent, it’s just speaking Godly truth into his life.

Next! Defending the castle. Sometimes, in a kingdom’s history, there were wars. And sometimes this called for the King to go off to war. Sometimes this was to defend his own kingdom, and sometimes someone else’s – yes, boys, you are called to help defend other’s kingdoms as well as your own – but while he was gone, it was up to the Queen to defend the castle in his stead. If all went well, she wouldn’t need to. But as we all know, stuff goes wrong. Life isn’t perfect. And so, even if the Queen didn’t know how to fight (although knowing how to fight was always a bonus), she had to know how to lead. She had to sit in on meetings and participate in them. Where was the castle weakest? What where the enemies troops? Where did her people stand on supplies and manpower? What did they do with the village people? What equipment did both sides have? What was morale like? If they needed something, how could they get it? Maybe there was an unconventional idea that she had to push through. The Queen was in charge of this and so much more. Have you ever noticed that any of the queens you hear of in the distant past you hear of because they did something? Ladies, you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say that sometimes we  are underestimated. It irritates some of us. But personally, I like it! Let the enemy underestimate me! It’ll make it easier to kick them to the curb. As Queens (or future Queens), we are powerful. We’re not always called to show that power, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. The Queens are the ones to defend the castle when the King is away.

The Queen was also supposed to be just, but strict. I’m gonna add some stuff to this: the Queen was supposed to have grace and wisdom as well. Tall order, huh? In reality, the just and strict is usually applied to Kings. But Queens are also supposed to be just, and they do need to know when to draw the line. However, the Queens are ALSO supposed to sometimes give second chances. They are supposed to love. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the bible verse, but the Bible tells husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. This shows a key difference between guys and gals: guys run on respect. It’s important to them. They need to feel needed. It’s how God wired them. Gals, however, run on love. They need to feel cared for and respected. Not helpless – they aren’t – but cared for and protected. This also means that guys and girls have different strengths and weaknesses. Often, ladies find it easier to express love. They are often quicker to come together in a community for help and support. Guys (to many ladies’ exasperation ;P) have pride (ooooh, I said it). All joking aside, they are less likely to automatically go to someone else and instead often try to figure it out on their own. However, their protective instincts are (or at least should be) off the charts. Personally, I think if the guy isn’t 1) Ready to try and work things out first and 2)Ready to fight in a heartbeat if working things out is impossible, then he probably isn’t ready to be a King. If I ever get married, I want my husband to be the type of man that, if he sees a woman getting harassed or attacked on the street, jumps in ready to do whatever is necessary to protect her. Sometimes, though, that just might mean giving up his pride to avoid bullets flying and potentially hurting someone. And I hope that if I ever get married my husband will be ready to do that too, because priorities. So, to get back on track, Queens are supposed to extend love and grace. However, they are also supposed to know where to draw the line.

Raising the children. In actuality, this is supposed to be a job for both the King and the Queen. They are supposed to raise their children well, in a Godly manner. They are in charge of teaching their children how to be Kings and Queens when they grow up. This includes looking for a King or Queen as their partner when they’re old enough. Teaching patience, wisdom, hope, love…the list goes on and on.  Sometimes, they might need help. Like it or not (usually not), sometimes kids don’t listen to their parents. Sometimes, they just need to hear it from someone else. Here’s the thing. When you’re a King or Queen, you don’t just speak truth into the people right around you. If you aren’t ready to speak truth in unexpected situations with people you may or may not know [well], are you really speaking truth to those around you?

And last (at least for now), Queens are supposed to submit to their husbands. Some ladies might not like this. Don’t take it from me, take it from God. In the bible God sets the husband as head of the house. This means that, yes, the King’s decisions overrule the Queen’s. You can discuss things with him, of course. But if, ultimately, he decides on something else, he is the head of the house. What he says, goes. And now is where, Queens, you want to make sure you are looking for a King and not settling for anything less. If it is a partnership between a King and Queen, both partners will be listening to each other and to the Lord, and often they will come to be on the same page. And here’s something that I think often gets in the way when a Queen has to make the decision to follow her King even when he does something she doesn’t like or doesn’t follow her advise. It’s Faith. Queens are supposed to have faith in their Kings. It’s not comfortable – but then again, is following God comfortable? Marriage is the closest thing we have to the relationship between God and the church. It is supposed to mirror that. And so Queens are supposed to have faith in their husbands. Of course he will make mistakes. He isn’t perfect (surprise, surprise). You make mistakes too, and you are also not perfect. But will yelling at him and getting on his case make anything better? No. When this happens, I can guarantee you he knows that he messed up. You will BOTH benefit more from supporting each other than from tearing each other down.

And of course, your job is not only to look for a King or Queen as a partner. “Why are you waiting to be treated like a Queen when you don’t know how to treat him like a King”. YOUR job, ladies, is not only to look for a King (if he’s a King, he will treat you like a Queen), but to be a Queen. You are ultimately in charge of yourself.

So, I’m thinking of making this a series (possibly featuring a guest King to speak to any guys out there). Let me know what you guys think! I know my thoughts were kind of disjointed both this post and part 1, so I apologize for that. Feel free to offer suggestions or ask questions, too! Thanks for reading!

Queens and Kings

Okay, so I gotta type this quick (I’m in-between classes and I still have to pack to go home). So (some of you will know this from my previous posts) I’m a fan of Jaimie Grace aaaaand…she just released her first new song in three years! Party like a Princess is one of the most repetitive songs I have ever heard, but it’s got an amazing message and beat. Go check it out. Anyway. Here’s how the beginning of the song goes:

When I walked into the party everybody just stopped/Even the DJ wasn’t ready, to see me without/A boy who isn’t ready, to be a king/So tell me why would I be chasing him to be his queen/Don’t you know, who my daddy is/Don’t you know, what my daddy did/Don’t you know, who my daddy is/He paid it all, I’m the belle of this ball, so I’m gonna party like a princess…

This is an idea I came across recently (there’s an app called Sprinkle of Jesus that’ll pop out ‘food for thought’ one or two times a day) that said something along the lines of ‘Why are you waiting for someone to treat you like a Queen unless you know how to treat him like a King’. Ignore the horrible grammar in that sentence for a minute. That idea stuck with me.

Isn’t that an absolutely shocking idea? We are told that the girls should be waiting for someone to treat them like a Queen and not settle for someone who will abuse that. But I also want to suggest this – when society slams girls who are super bossy and overbearing (I’m NOT talking about girls who are just confident in themselves), they are actually slamming them for not being Queens. Because you see, being a Queen is also a responsibility. Think about a Queen of a country (medieval times, not a figurehead like Queen Elizabeth). The Queen was in charge of the castle. She supported him and offered him wisdom and counsel when he needed it. If the King was away at war, SHE was the one who protected the castle. She was supposed to be just but strict. She raised their children (with help from the maids sometimes). And, perhaps most importantly, she submitted to her husband.

I’ll elaborate on this later, in a separate post. But think about that, ladies. Why are you waiting to be treated like a Queen when you don’t know how to treat him like a King?